IF SO, chances are you’ll know how to open this bottle of Tesco’s Value gin. I was planning a crafty ruse: tip the £6.99 (no, I couldn’t believe it either) tipple into the empty Gordon’s bottle, and really who’s going to know the difference? Except I can’t open the damn thing. The massive security tag asks, confusingly, “UNDER 21?” Well, no, which is probably the problem. I give it to Ian to see if he can get into it but despite being male and a bit more scientific he’s just as baffled. I’m going to have to face the embarrassment of taking it back to the store and asking if they can do it for me. But it’s still less than half the price of Gordon’s. Oh what a tangled web . . .