TEN MYSTERIES OF LIFE

  1. Why do I have two and a half pounds of currants, and the same of sultanas, but no raisins in my so-called store cupboard when raisins are the very thing I need in a recipe – and vice versa?
  2. Why do I only find the recipe that says you can substitute sultanas or currants for raisins after I’ve traipsed through the rain or snow to the local shop to buy the raisins?
  3. Why can I find every email, no matter how inconsequential, from anybody ever associated with any project, except the only one I urgently need?
  4. Why do I have porridge oats bursting out of every conceivable container until the minute a guest asks for porridge whereupon I have to break Lisa’s door down at 8 0’clock in the morning to beg for a supply?
  5. Why do I only save receipts for things I never need to return?
  6. Why did I throw out all the boxes for every appliance I’d ever bought over the last five years, 10 days before I needed the one for the broken liquidizer I have to return to John Lewis (and for which, of course, I can’t find the receipt)?
  7. Why do the dogs bark at guests but never even stir at the suspicious noise in the back garden that wakes me in the middle of the night?
  8. Why does the person heading for their car in a full car park, or the petrol pump at the filling station, and whose space I’m ready to leap into, start eating a picnic when they get behind the wheel?
  9. Why do banks, shops, travel centres, insurers, mobile phone companies – in fact every so-called service – always say they are dealing with an exceptionally high volume of calls, no matter what time I call, when what they really mean is that they’re too penny-pinching to employ enough people to answer them?
  10. Why does Ian always ask “Why do these things only happen to you?”
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One thought on “TEN MYSTERIES OF LIFE

  1. And why is it the person on the train who uses the privvy just before me, usually when we’re approaching the station where I want to get off, takes ten minutes doing whatever they want to do?

    Great blog BTW, I subscribed yesterday…

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